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I Could Only Imagine. . .
And STILL, I Wasn’t Prepared.
Two years ago, something happened that shook me to my core. I couldn't finish writing about it until recently.
What Can You Say?
As I entered my 50s, it became an all too frequent refrain, with friends and family alike.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I’m sending you my heartfelt prayers for you and the family.”
Or, “Let me know whatever I can do to help.”
Too many deaths. Maybe you’ve noticed this, especially as you get older.
Even as we utter the words, they feel empty — so powerless. What’s the right thing to say when you learn someone you care about is going through the death of a loved one?
As we look on, we can feel helpless and lost. We want to ease their pain — to help in some way. But. . . words seem inadequate in those moments.
I’ve been through the losses of several family members and dear friends. Each time, it felt unbelievably difficult. Each passing is different and can be hard to navigate, in various ways.
Do you ever wonder if other people feel similarly to your experiences in times of grief? I don’t believe there’s a “standard” way of “doing” grief. Everyone needs to feel their way through it, and it is what it is.
Usually, I can only imagine what someone else’s pain is like. I’ve tried to put myself in the griever’s shoes. I know I can only sense a tiny sliver of their overwhelming sorrow. Sometimes, I feel a little guilty for not being able to connect with the intensity of what they are going through — for not knowing how to help them carry it.
Ultimately, in those instances, I realized “feeling bad” for them was unhelpful to them — and me. Feeling compassion is much more helpful. I also became aware — in those times, the experiences were not my burden to carry.
Not Yet. . .
But I know my time comes now and then — when the loss is mine to carry. Then, others will want to help…
